Deja Vu

So no real big news to report except for this strange uncanny feeling I received this morning. Michelle and I were cleaning out the rooms after the guest had taken off, and as we were working on the second room Kirk came flying back above the lodge. As Michelle and I began to hurriedly clean so we wouldn't be in the rooms when they returned, I wondered frantically about all the reasons they were returning so soon, they had only left maybe an hour previously. Racing from one side of the room to the other, I picked a bath robe from off the floor and proceeded to try and hang it and then it hit me. 

Deja Vu. The whole thing, the robe, the room, the lake, the Beaver (float plane) all of this had been experienced before. This was not a new moment for me but one that I was repeating. I searched my mind for something that gave reason to the feeling, but being in such a new place I was at a loss, until the memory came sliding into my frontal cortex. It was in a dream I had many years ago about some pilots and planes coming back home early from something as I hurriedly tried to finish what I was doing. It is seriously uncanny how vivid and accurate the dream was to reality. I must have dreamt sometime in Portland the first time or when I had just moved back to Logsden. 

I had to post something about it or I'd forget it ever happened, like so many memories that have fallen by the wayside because I have failed to keep them alive with such passionate remembrance. The mind, such an amazing thing. I had always hoped it was more like a filing cabinet, where I could have realizations that would be nicely filled in such a way that when needed it be readily on file to either explain my behavior or help support the reasons behind my behavior, but I find that to be less and less accurate the further I get away from previous realizations (well, except for 'don't touch the stove because its hot' that one really has stayed the same). I find things I have written or painted that I find hard to believe that I came up with let along did. 

Once the art is out of the mind, does it ever really belong to you? Art just an abstracted version of a conversation with oneself.  

Well, it had been a long week for Captain Kirk. The German's had taken a lot out of him. Next to getting a 200 dollar ticket for not logging one of the trips they had taken, the German's had wanted to go see bears and I guess this is Kirk's least favorite active, probably because it doesn't involve as much fishing and a instructional video that he has probably watched countless times over the years. But he endured his distaste for the activity and made it through and the day that the Germans left Kirk proceeded to get wasted and in the process get Erin and I a little intoxicated with him (that may be an understatement). 

After having a glass of wine myself, I of course got the brilliant idea I always get when I am staring at a big body of water, I had the urge to jump in. Looking around I asked nicely if Erin or Liza we're interested in accompany me in the water and to my great surprise Liza was up to the challenge. We raced inside to change and in no time we were waiting by the waters edge getting ready to charge in the icy cold water, Liza, LadyBell and I. We swam for a few minutes throwing the ball around for LadyBell, giggling and laughing at our spontaneous adventure. We got out walking up to Kirk and Erin who were our audience, waiting at the waters edge with towels, but we did not last long and in minutes we were back in the water, giggling and smiling at the youth gumption. Cold water is amazing. It is bearable but it slowly gets under skin, dropping the temperature of your bones. I didn't feel extremely cold when I got out but heating back up was almost impossible on my own and left the party on the porch to take a very hot shower. 

As the hours passed, the group got smaller and smaller, Liza went to bed. Brady and Chris were only there for a second or two before sneaking off and John had stayed far away from the porch the whole time, he had already experience Captains drinking qualifications. Liza had told us that we could leave anytime if Captain started to annoy us, but since Erin and I had not heard all of the stories he was continuing on and on about we were fine, but boy he can drink and talk and did I mention dance as well? Yep, at around 2 o'clock we decided to dance to Mile Davis all around the lounge lighting a fire and waking up Liza in the process, which I of course am crossing my fingers that she isn't to mad at us about, but it seems that everyone is sort of use to this type of behavior from the Kirk. 

All and all a very fun night that I enjoyed a lot. I'll post a picture or two later. 

So almost a month in next week. We have five guest right now from Austria, very nice and friendly guest. The son of the head guy of the group got his Ph.D in Economics from a school in Vienna. His thesis paper was the ethic's of consciences, so I was very thrilled to get to talk to him. His favorite philosopher is Schopenhauer so I'm reading a clip-it from The World as Will and Representation to try and impress him but its kind of hard with the language bearer. Not saying that this group isn't fluent in english, but sometimes the accent is so thick its hard to decipher. 

Once I got into the routine here I have been doing pretty well. I find that staying in one place doesn't bother me much. I can sit in the same spot for hours and stare at the wall entertaining myself with some philosophical thought or just running over some scene of the past that I throughly enjoyed not to say I am nostalgic. Nostalgia and me have not gotten along so well in the past few years. I feel it has abandoned me in some way, leaving me indifferent about so many things that once moved me. What has been my biggest problem is taking naps during the day, which basically rob me of my day and mess up my schedule.  

Ladybell and I laid on the porch as I read her some Sartre, Existentialism is Humanism, a very good description of how existentialism should be read and understood as. I remember reading this selection a few years back, trying my hardest to rap my head around philosopher's mumbo-jumbo. This time it has been very easy. I can read it and follow his train of thought, digging deep under the surface about what is and isn't existentialism.

My exercise routine has been that of almost every other day I take a jog on the landing strip. A back and forth jog from one end to the other about three times, making a nice jog that is around four miles. I'm not to scared of bears like I was last year jogging on the pipeline, but now I have to watch out for planes. The other day one snuck up behind me. It was a huge plane, looked like the one in Casablanca black on the bottom and white on the top from Desert Air. You would figure I'd hear it since my music isn't to loud and those planes are loud to begin with, but to my surprise when I turned around to see this huge plane coming towards me I was just thankful that I run on the sidelines because that things wing seemed right over head even though I was of the airstrip. Its pretty exciting to watch these small jets take off while I'm jogging just as much fun as it is to watch the clients take off with Kirk in the beaver in the morning.

Talking about take offs, the routine is set here. I wake up and make the coffee, waiting tell 7 to wake up the guest. I have to walk into the rooms even if their still sleeping which has been pretty interesting and I'd love to write about it here, but I figure I should just hold off on that. This is a public site after all. Then I do laundry or dishes, waiting for the guest to come in so I can serve them. After that is done they leave to get ready to go fishing for the day as I prepare the lunch and coffees that they'll be taking with them. At around 9, Kirk takes off like clock work and Liza, Erin and me all watch as they take off in the Beaver. I then clean the rooms and take my afternoon break at around 11. Then around 5:30 or so we listen patiently to hear some changes in the surrounding area just waiting for a slight hum that we can concluded is the boys returning home. I hope to be able to detect as well as Liza the different sounding planes by the end of the summer or at least  be able to tell a boat from a plane. 

  The last few days have been well into the 70's and even once in the 80's. Its been a little hot for jogging but now I'm taking a swims instead. I swim back and forth in front of the lodge. 

The top  layer of the water is bearable but the moment I dive down as little as a foot my head is bombarded by the rush of icy cold water that takes away my breath and freezes my brain. I stay on the top layer of water to say the least. 

My favorite time of the day is napkin folding time. I really like getting creative and making fun napkin folds. This one is a swan and though the Austrian's weren't that impressed Kirk was, and thats all that mattered.

We take these boat rides to Nondalton which are very enjoyable. Its nice to get out of the lodge every once and awhile to go get the mail though as I said before I can sit in the same place entertaining myself for as long as I want. But though this is the 6th or 7th picture of these same mountains, they are worth every megabit upload.  I find the mountains to be just breath taking. They seem to disappear into infinity. I think I might paint this soon.

It feels that my jogs and the boat rides have been my only quite times in retrospect, the boat ride only because its too loud to talk when your on it. I tried to make it apparent the first few days that I enjoy my alone time but just like any small confined area with only 6 other people it is hard to get away from everyone because everyone knows where to find you and everyone talks to themselves in some form or another. Its not as blunt as a person holding a conversation with themselves but we find ourselves telling unrelated stories or things that just pop into our heads as we batter back and forth about nothing, what we are doing step by step or will do for that matter and everything in between. 

The real question is do I really want to be alone in thought? I would say yes, but yet I check my email and my facebook quite often to a point where it seems to be a thoughtless task or a habitual reaction to boredom. But if I am bored does that mean I'm lonely and would like attention? Attention is great and all but I feel more comfortable with being reserved. So which is it, do I want to stare at the wall like David would do and think long and hard about my next move in the game or just go with the flow like a leaf in the wind, which reminds me. The other day a small dried birch leaf that I think is reminisces of last fall was dancing in front of my eyes as I seat on the porch staring out into the lake and of course my favorite mountains. The leaf stayed airborne for quite sometime in my opinion and I sat there just following it with my eyes until it finally came to rest on the gravel below.